Each changed how I viewed myself and how others saw me.
I was no longer just Kelley and never would be again. These two major realizations in a short amount of time altered the way I approached dating.
This time, I was nervous because I hadn’t felt well all day.
I felt dizzy, nauseous, and achy, my finger too swollen to put my ring on.
I was a sophomore in college, and a friend told me they were bisexual.
I was too scared to try to flirt with another woman face to face, especially in front of a bunch of other people, so I joined a dating site after learning many people in the club used them. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been turned down because of my POTS, like when a woman who previously texted me hundreds of times a day decided we should just be friends after I confessed my illness.
After coming out, I was eager to explore my attraction to women but quickly realized that I had no clue how to date, let alone find bisexual and lesbian women.
I couldn’t just assume that basically every woman I ran into was queer the way I’d assumed pretty much every guy I wanted to date was straight.
I could potentially faint without warning, forcing them to take care of me.
Sometimes I have to wear ugly monitors hooked up to my heart or head, or use my cane when I’m in a lot of pain, which draws a lot of negative attention. Maybe it wasn’t fair to judge people I’d just met, but I was tired of getting hurt.