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Naturally when the owner came around we were full of compliments and good cheer and ‘oh we’ve never had better!

’, despite the fact I’d tipped most of my salad into the carrier bag we were carrying our trinkets in.

When you last left us we had deliberately gassed an old lady, I’d set my face on fire and we’d seen a Meat Loaf tribute act more Martin Mull than Marvin Lee. In this, our penultimate entry, we take a trip out.

Right – no farting about because it’s a long entry tonight!

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We were going that fast it was like looking at a watercolour through the windscreen. The artist, Manuel Ussà, must have been a saucy bugger mind – I’ve never seen so many spread-eagled forms, even in miniature format. This sounds more like my cup of tea, the big wind-socked size queen that I am. What town needs museums dedicated to the world of the microscopic? Once we were sure we weren’t being watched, we ran upstairs, took a picture with the giant horse (hence the Gigante part of the name) and ran straight back out. *You might think I’m harsh drawing attention to my ex’s tiny willy, but he was an absolute bellend. You don’t need a big knob to make someone happy, but it sure helps act as a distraction when you’ve got a personality like a blown-out arsehole.

We didn’t want to look boorish by nicking out after five minutes so we stretched out our admiration for a good twenty minutes, before the deafening sound of dentures being sucked landed upon us and the elderly had arrived to serve as a distraction. We hastened indoors, paid for our tickets and were ushered past the entrance curtain…into a room full of magnifying glasses. By this time Paul was hungry – it had been at least two hours since he’d doubled his weight – and so we set about finding somewhere for a bit of lunch.

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