Rules middle age dating
Here’s what I learned about the new dating etiquette: Take it easy: Dating in our youth sometimes seemed like a race—biological clock ticking, friends getting married, parents asking us when we were going to settle down.Now, except for the fact that the true finish line is in sight, there’s no rush.Check Facebook (people reveal a lot in the “About” tab) and Linked In, too.Cell phone etiquette: Unless you are a brain surgeon on call, turn off your cell phone during a date.
You’ll want to know if they are who and what they say they are, but don’t go all Columbo. That said, a first date is not a substitute for weekly therapy. Never make someone feel worse than they already may (the sting of rejection is already unpleasant enough). Look your best, but don’t appear as an aspiring high maintenance runway model. You don’t want to give your date the impression you are looking for more than you are (unless you actually are, and that’s okay, too). My father always used to tell me to act like a lady. That includes not ordering up a storm in a restaurant, and not eating food that will make me feel sick before, during, or after a date. The dog needed to be walked, or she had to pick up a child. One person shouldn’t shoulder all of the responsibility, whether it is for all of the expense, all of the traveling, or all of the planning. You will only set yourself up for disappointment later. “A frog walked into a bar…” While on a first date a few months back with a guy who was no prince, I was zealously told a joke about a frog performing oral sex on a woman. Interruptions are often par for the course, as well as last minute changes and cancellations. If he says he’s not looking for something serious, believe him. When the chemistry is there, miles suddenly won’t make any difference. I was on a date with a guy who confessed that on more than one occasion women met with him and within minutes made up an excuse to leave. Or writing your first name with his on a cocktail napkin, and deciding whether or not to hyphenate your last name with his. Dating, especially in middle age, means a higher likelihood of navigating around those other littler people in our lives who make getting to destinations on time more challenging and keeping our dates more exacting. He will tell you who he is during those first few meetings. Split the check so he expects nothing from you in return? Refrain from theatrics if a relationship doesn’t develop as you had hoped. Facts that can be found on your driver’s license reveal little about a person, and will do nothing toward bringing you closer together. You know the basics about each other, but now is the time to strut your stuff. I know many city dwellers that have yet to meet The One, and have widened their search to include areas well outside their densely populated neighborhood. The decisions we make are personal, and we wouldn’t want anyone undermining our choices. But for a couple of hours those issues need to be tabled. The one where you show up and the person you meet looks nothing like their online photos, or you quickly realize though your date is nice, he is not the guy for you. I must say the best advice I have ever received came from a friend now married to her second husband who said whatever you do, it should feel natural. Do your best to relax because likely your date has a touch of the jitters, too. By middle age everyone, including those who have never been married, has a unique story to tell about how they came to be your date. Dating in our forties, fifties, and beyond takes more effort than arranging on the fly to meet at the campus center after Psychology class. You have a lot to offer, but remember everyone is looking for something different, and therefore not necessarily for you. A couple of years ago, a guy I started seeing invited me to lunch for our third date. When I’m with a man who bashes his ex wife, and who talks about her condescendingly, I take note and heed the red flag he’s waving. It’s common to be nervous on a first date, especially if you’re as unseasoned a dater as I was when I first began dating after my separation. Behave as the smart, sexy and confident woman you are. Don’t count dates, and don’t let your date count dates. Be honest about your intentions with your date with yourself. If your date wanted to spend the evening with the guys he would. We each have that potential inside us, so capture it, enjoy it, and let your date enjoy you. Regardless of our marital status, he will forever be the father of my children, and in my book that entitles him to respect.